PART 1
”What you can do I can do better! No you can’t, yes I can, no you can’t, yes I can!”
This chant was in a commercial many years ago between the basketball great Michael Jordan and the soccer great Mia Hamm (Mariel Margaret Hamm).
Even though I loved this commercial, it pitted one super athlete against another in many different scenarios; unfortunately, this attitude also embodies how many couples behave in their relationship – as if they were playing a game to see who will be the winner.
In my practice I have worked with many couples. Such problems I hear of: ”Why does he or she behave the way he or she behaves? Why is he or she looking/ wanting to be with someone else? Why are we arguing all the time? I am ‘trying’ to love him or I am ‘trying’ to love her but he or she won’t cooperate. She does this that irritates me or he does that which frustrates me. It is just a constant battle between us!”
After all of the bickering and the going back and forth, and both telling me who’s to blame, ultimately, the question eventually comes to: How can we make our relationship better?
Before I get into that, I will share some information to get your gray cells spinning.
The divorce rate in America is about 50% (and that’s only for the first marriage). Men and women are constantly at each other’s throats over small things.
People, we have a serious problem and we (both men and women) are to blame – there is enough finger-pointing to go around.
Below are the Divorce Rate Statistics of 1st, 2nd and 3rd Marriages.
• Divorce rate in America after first marriage is from 41% to 50%.
• U.S divorce rate after second marriage is from 60% to 67%
• After 3 marriages the U.S divorce rate is from 73% to 74%
http://www.aboutdivorce.org/us_divorce_rates.html
According to a Healthy Living website, here are the Top Ten Reasons for Divorce:
1. Lack of commitment towards marriage, sexual incompatibility and infidelity
2. Lack of communication between spouses
3. Abandonment, alcohol addiction and substance abuse
4. Physical abuse, sexual abuse and emotional abuse
5. Inability to manage and resolve conflict
6. Differences in personal and career goals
7. Different expectation about household tasks and financial problems
8. Intellectual incompatibility and inflexibility
9. Mental instability and mental illness
10. Religious belief, cultural and lifestyle differences
http://women.ygoy.com/top-ten-reasons-for-divorce/
With the exception of point number 9 above, I have experienced each of these issues first hand with the various couples I’ve worked with over the years. By far, lack of commitment, lack of communication, inflexibility, and the inability (or desire) to manage and resolve conflict are the issues I have seen happen the most.
Think of this: why do we (both men and women) spend so much time, money and effort searching for each other – we go to clubs, pubs, and parties, dating services, blind dates and social groups – just to argue, fuss and fight when we finally get with each other? And if the relationship ends in divorce (heaven forbid), we do the same things all over again in search of the next companion, or should I say, the next competitive match. Many times we take our negative issues from one relationship to the next relationship.
Have you ever heard the saying, ‘I am looking for my soul-mate’? It is a very common expression.
What does that actually mean? Does it mean that only one person on the face of this planet has a similar soul as I? Does it mean that I am looking for a carbon copy of myself? Does it mean that if someone thinks differently than I do, I will give that person pure hell? Does it also mean that only 50% of the American population that is still married has been lucky enough to have found their soul mate…or have they just not mustered the courage to leave?
When I think of the word ‘soul-mate’ (by the way, this word is not on the Top Ten list of reasons for divorce), I also think of the word compatibility (and incompatibility is down the list at number eight). Finding my soul-mate is the same as finding someone compatible to me.
Let’s face it, men and women are the most intelligent creatures on this planet. We have the ability to adapt to any surrounding, culture, language, situation or environment; yet we complain about our mate (which means we complain about ourselves because we married or decided to have a relationship with the mate) or a potential mate who comes from the same country, state, town, city, schools, speaks the same language and has the same accent, the same or similar career, lifestyle, goals, educational background, religion, and finally, the same ideals. Could you get any more compatible?
If two people have all of this compatibility (in other words, he or she has found his soul-mate), why do we have so much divorce/separation in our society? Am I looking to date myself?
If I am looking for more of a carbon-copy of me, I need to consider first - have I not been upset with some of the choices that I have made in my life? If so, this would mean that if I find someone who is exactly the same as I am in every way, I will probably be upset with some of her choices as well.
Why wouldn’t I cut my mate some slack?
Here is a secret:
Successful relationships (like anything else) require work from both parties – especially after the Honeymoon Stage is over. This is the stage of the relationship between the time when you first met your mate until about a year or so later, depending on the couple. During this time, your new mate can do no wrong – he or she can walk on water in your eyes.
Do you still remember that time when you felt butterflies in your stomach when you saw, heard or even thought of your mate? The time when you were inseparable – talking on the phone for hours when you were apart, e-mailing and text messaging all day, holding hands, eating out of the same bowl, sipping from the same glass, taking showers together, giving each other massages, feeding each other grapes over a candle-lit fire – you know, those times?
But what happens after the Honeymoon Stage when the couple begins to ‘settle’ in and REALLY get to know each other? Believe it or not, however, even though the Honeymoon Stage may have worn off, the relationship isn’t over – there is still fun to be had.
To make our relationships run smoother, we must first understand who we are and who we are dating or married to. To do this, we need to take a look at the basic differences between men and women to help us appreciate each other more.
But time’s up for this blog – so tune back in next week to learn about what makes men and women so different and how, despite these differences, they can make a relationship work!
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
The Most Challenging Client
Oftentimes I receive questions – whether from a client, a friend, family member or from someone at a social event – on what type of client is the most challenging?
When I am asked this question, I’ve gathered that the person asking is usually talking about the most difficult person to hypnotize. After I find out if this is indeed what he or she means, I let them know that I have no problems hypnotizing anyone. In fact, inducing or hypnotizing someone is the easy part!
Many of these questioners are often surprised when I say this because they have this erroneous view that hypnosis is a mental challenge between hypnotist and client instead of a cooperative relationship.
After I explain what hypnosis is to them, I then let them know that my challenges would come from the Negative Emotional client.
Of course their next question is: how so?
I go on to say: when a person displays Negative Emotions (here I am talking extreme cases or near extreme such as years of depression/suicidal tendencies, obsessive compulsive behavior/thoughts, and eating disorders), his or her nasty habits are so entrenched, I would have to work with them on many sessions (six or more) just to balance out the emotions first. Once their emotions are balanced, inner peace and harmony injected into the mind and emotions just to offset the ‘war’ that is been waged inside of them, only then could we work on their other goals that they came in for.
Where I could see a major difference in a non-emotional or a client with balanced emotions in one to three sessions, the client who suffers from Negative Emotions are so locked in to how she ‘feels’ that she may miss the change. And even if she can see or feel some change, those negative emotions or the experience of anger, guilt, humiliation, shame, embarrassment or some other feeling that have become habit may be reaching in from the past preventing her from enjoying the change.
How did this client get this way? I cannot speak for all of them but I can say from my experience that many of them would have missed a wonderful experience in childhood and instead suffered abuse, neglect or some form of other mistreatment. Or some of them could have lived in a household without strong and supportive parental guidance or with parents/relatives who experienced years of depression or some other Negative Emotion and this behavior ‘rubbed’ off on them.
Because of the years of havoc and turmoil, many of them have little social and career skills – this is another reason why this client is so challenging. With this in mind, I don’t only use hypnosis; I also use advice, mentoring/coaching and encouragement in both their personal and professional lives.
In essence, this client is challenging because I would have to dismantle the dysfunctional mental and emotional system and rebuild a new and functioning one (inner peace, balance, harmony, self esteem/confidence and focus; social, organizational and career skills).
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
When I am asked this question, I’ve gathered that the person asking is usually talking about the most difficult person to hypnotize. After I find out if this is indeed what he or she means, I let them know that I have no problems hypnotizing anyone. In fact, inducing or hypnotizing someone is the easy part!
Many of these questioners are often surprised when I say this because they have this erroneous view that hypnosis is a mental challenge between hypnotist and client instead of a cooperative relationship.
After I explain what hypnosis is to them, I then let them know that my challenges would come from the Negative Emotional client.
Of course their next question is: how so?
I go on to say: when a person displays Negative Emotions (here I am talking extreme cases or near extreme such as years of depression/suicidal tendencies, obsessive compulsive behavior/thoughts, and eating disorders), his or her nasty habits are so entrenched, I would have to work with them on many sessions (six or more) just to balance out the emotions first. Once their emotions are balanced, inner peace and harmony injected into the mind and emotions just to offset the ‘war’ that is been waged inside of them, only then could we work on their other goals that they came in for.
Where I could see a major difference in a non-emotional or a client with balanced emotions in one to three sessions, the client who suffers from Negative Emotions are so locked in to how she ‘feels’ that she may miss the change. And even if she can see or feel some change, those negative emotions or the experience of anger, guilt, humiliation, shame, embarrassment or some other feeling that have become habit may be reaching in from the past preventing her from enjoying the change.
How did this client get this way? I cannot speak for all of them but I can say from my experience that many of them would have missed a wonderful experience in childhood and instead suffered abuse, neglect or some form of other mistreatment. Or some of them could have lived in a household without strong and supportive parental guidance or with parents/relatives who experienced years of depression or some other Negative Emotion and this behavior ‘rubbed’ off on them.
Because of the years of havoc and turmoil, many of them have little social and career skills – this is another reason why this client is so challenging. With this in mind, I don’t only use hypnosis; I also use advice, mentoring/coaching and encouragement in both their personal and professional lives.
In essence, this client is challenging because I would have to dismantle the dysfunctional mental and emotional system and rebuild a new and functioning one (inner peace, balance, harmony, self esteem/confidence and focus; social, organizational and career skills).
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Monday, November 3, 2008
Are you Hypnotizable?
I receive many calls from potential clients who think they cannot be hypnotized. They are actually under the impression that to be hypnotized means that one relinquishes mental control to another. In other words, some people think it is a test of will between the hypnotist and the client in a hypnosis session.
This is far from the truth. There are no mental wars or battles between hypnotherapist and client – at least there shouldn’t be anyway.
Some questions potential clients have are: Can I be hypnotized? How do you know if I can be hypnotized? Am I weak if I am hypnotized? What types of people are easily hypnotized?
These questions are asked as though hypnosis or trance is some mystical consciousness that only ‘weak minded’ people can be transformed to. ‘Strong minded’ individuals however, aren’t affected as they may think.
The answer I provide oftentimes surprises them. I tell them, ‘If you can sleep, you can be hypnotized.’ I usually get silence on the other end of the line when I say this to many callers. I go on to tell them that hypnosis is a state of consciousness between being awake and going to sleep. With my induction (The JOImethod), I attempt to get my clients as close to sleep as possible. I do this for a couple of reasons. First, it is very relaxing to the client when they ‘let go’ of their stress and whatever problems they are working on at the time and ‘doze off’ for an hour or so – it is like receiving a mental massage, a release of mental and emotional tension and pressure. Secondly, the closer I get the client to sleep (therefore moving the conscious mind out of the way), the easier it is to layer in their goals (that is, the programs I give to the client according to their specific request).
Would every client go to sleep while in session? No, they will not. I usually get about 98% of my clients into this level of trance. I cannot speak for other hypnotherapists. Even if the client doesn’t make it to this deep level, he or she is still deep enough to have the goals programmed in for success.
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
This is far from the truth. There are no mental wars or battles between hypnotherapist and client – at least there shouldn’t be anyway.
Some questions potential clients have are: Can I be hypnotized? How do you know if I can be hypnotized? Am I weak if I am hypnotized? What types of people are easily hypnotized?
These questions are asked as though hypnosis or trance is some mystical consciousness that only ‘weak minded’ people can be transformed to. ‘Strong minded’ individuals however, aren’t affected as they may think.
The answer I provide oftentimes surprises them. I tell them, ‘If you can sleep, you can be hypnotized.’ I usually get silence on the other end of the line when I say this to many callers. I go on to tell them that hypnosis is a state of consciousness between being awake and going to sleep. With my induction (The JOImethod), I attempt to get my clients as close to sleep as possible. I do this for a couple of reasons. First, it is very relaxing to the client when they ‘let go’ of their stress and whatever problems they are working on at the time and ‘doze off’ for an hour or so – it is like receiving a mental massage, a release of mental and emotional tension and pressure. Secondly, the closer I get the client to sleep (therefore moving the conscious mind out of the way), the easier it is to layer in their goals (that is, the programs I give to the client according to their specific request).
Would every client go to sleep while in session? No, they will not. I usually get about 98% of my clients into this level of trance. I cannot speak for other hypnotherapists. Even if the client doesn’t make it to this deep level, he or she is still deep enough to have the goals programmed in for success.
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
HYPNOTHERAPY BY TELEPHONE
When I first considered working with clients outside of my home area, I had ambivalent feelings. Yes, I wanted to be able to help people anywhere in the world with their challenges and their goals, just as I did in my office; yet at the same time, I thought no one would ever feel comfortable doing a session over the phone as they would in person.
Let’s face it, fraud is running rampant in the world; people are holding their money close to their chests and I cannot blame them. Even though the world has become smaller due to the Internet, international travel and globalization of businesses and mindset, many people still share an old school philosophy when it comes down to their personal choices made toward resolving an emotional or career issue.
When I get calls from potential clients for phone sessions, they are usually concerned if the session would work just as well over the phone as in person. They would wonder how in the world one could be hypnotized over the phone if they couldn’t see or be seen by the hypnotist. After I generally explain to them how hypnosis works in conjunction with their mind and specifically how my induction works, they become more comfortable with the thought of a phone session.
Furthermore, I would let them know how easy it would be for them to do hypnosis sessions in the comfort of their own home and not have to worry about rushing through traffic to make the appointment and take time away from their home duties. Even different time zones won’t cause any problems with phone sessions – I have worked with clients on the west coast (I am on the east coast) and even in other countries. Moreover, after a relaxing session one can simply sit back and sleep if they wanted to, rather than have to leave my office, get in the car, and drive home. Because driving – or doing anything that requires one to be fully alert – is the last thing one desires to do after a session of deep hypnosis!
Phone hypnosis is certainly in line with the latest article on WebMD http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20080923/phone-psychotherapy-fewer-hangups?ecd=wnl_day_092508 regarding psychotherapy over the phone. In this article, it was discussed that the attrition rate for phone psychotherapy was lower at 7.6% when compared to that of traditional psychotherapy – 46.9%. In other words, these phone clients are less likely to ‘drop out’ of therapy than a face-to-face client because they didn’t have to deal with the issue of finding enough motivation to attend a session. This is so especially if the client suffers from problems such as anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks, a fear of driving or some other emotionally based issue which may even preclude them from getting out of their home to go to the therapist’s office.
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Let’s face it, fraud is running rampant in the world; people are holding their money close to their chests and I cannot blame them. Even though the world has become smaller due to the Internet, international travel and globalization of businesses and mindset, many people still share an old school philosophy when it comes down to their personal choices made toward resolving an emotional or career issue.
When I get calls from potential clients for phone sessions, they are usually concerned if the session would work just as well over the phone as in person. They would wonder how in the world one could be hypnotized over the phone if they couldn’t see or be seen by the hypnotist. After I generally explain to them how hypnosis works in conjunction with their mind and specifically how my induction works, they become more comfortable with the thought of a phone session.
Furthermore, I would let them know how easy it would be for them to do hypnosis sessions in the comfort of their own home and not have to worry about rushing through traffic to make the appointment and take time away from their home duties. Even different time zones won’t cause any problems with phone sessions – I have worked with clients on the west coast (I am on the east coast) and even in other countries. Moreover, after a relaxing session one can simply sit back and sleep if they wanted to, rather than have to leave my office, get in the car, and drive home. Because driving – or doing anything that requires one to be fully alert – is the last thing one desires to do after a session of deep hypnosis!
Phone hypnosis is certainly in line with the latest article on WebMD http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20080923/phone-psychotherapy-fewer-hangups?ecd=wnl_day_092508 regarding psychotherapy over the phone. In this article, it was discussed that the attrition rate for phone psychotherapy was lower at 7.6% when compared to that of traditional psychotherapy – 46.9%. In other words, these phone clients are less likely to ‘drop out’ of therapy than a face-to-face client because they didn’t have to deal with the issue of finding enough motivation to attend a session. This is so especially if the client suffers from problems such as anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks, a fear of driving or some other emotionally based issue which may even preclude them from getting out of their home to go to the therapist’s office.
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Monday, August 25, 2008
101 Lessons I Learned From My Clients
I am happy to present my newest book released just in time on my new remodeled website (www.hypnotizeanybody.com). Book 1 in the Lessons Learned Series contains little sayings/teachings I learned or used at some point as an individual and alternative health professional. As a hypnotherapist and coach, my clients gave me the opportunity to recall these long forgotten lessons – at the appropriate time – while in session with them. These analogies (scenarios, metaphors, old folk’s tales and common sense stories) allowed me to communicate with my client’s subconscious mind, to indirectly affect change in their lives for the long haul.
These little lessons are meant to entertain and educate, and it doesn’t matter whether the reader is a psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, personal coach, motivational speaker, alternative healer or layperson. In my field, they were invaluable to me and the people I worked with. They often helped me place my clients in a ‘waking trance’ while mulling over these analogies. When their conscious mind is busy going over the parallels between these tales and their lives, the subconscious mind is being programmed (persuaded, influenced and motivated for change) with the acceptance of the logic contained therein.
You can learn more about the book or you can purchase it by clicking here: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com/books_101lessons.asp
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Monday, August 11, 2008
Medication on the rise; Psychotherapy on the decline
Don’t be surprised the next time you are in for a visit with a psychiatrist and you are offered anti-depressants instead of psychotherapy - according to a study report covered in the Los Angeles Times regarding psychiatry.
Anti-depressants are one of the largest-selling classes of drugs in the medical industry and insurance companies, not the psychiatric professionals, are calling the shots in determining their use.
From 2004 to 2005, 28% of patients received psychotherapy compared to 44.4% of patients between the years of 1996 and 1997. This 15% drop is largely due to the insurance reimbursement policies. Quite frankly, the insurers subscribe to the notion that it is easier and more cost effective to drug you up than to talk you up. Doctors are provided a better financial incentive for a 15 minute medication management visit than a 45 to 50 minute outpatient psychotherapy session.
The report also said that psychiatrists who provided psychotherapy only for their patients dropped to 10.8% in 2004-2005 from 19% in 1996-1997.
Is this decline in psychotherapy only happening because of these money grabbing insurance companies or are the patients partly to blame in searching for a quick fix? This is what Dr. Mark Olfson of Columbia University Medical Center asks/suggests.
Whatever the reason for this increase in psychoactive medication – financial incentives or the impatience of our society or both – just be aware of the changes in how psychiatrists do business.
Medication Increasingly Replaces Psychotherapy, Study Finds
http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/healthlawprof_blog/2008/08/medication-incr.html
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Anti-depressants are one of the largest-selling classes of drugs in the medical industry and insurance companies, not the psychiatric professionals, are calling the shots in determining their use.
From 2004 to 2005, 28% of patients received psychotherapy compared to 44.4% of patients between the years of 1996 and 1997. This 15% drop is largely due to the insurance reimbursement policies. Quite frankly, the insurers subscribe to the notion that it is easier and more cost effective to drug you up than to talk you up. Doctors are provided a better financial incentive for a 15 minute medication management visit than a 45 to 50 minute outpatient psychotherapy session.
The report also said that psychiatrists who provided psychotherapy only for their patients dropped to 10.8% in 2004-2005 from 19% in 1996-1997.
Is this decline in psychotherapy only happening because of these money grabbing insurance companies or are the patients partly to blame in searching for a quick fix? This is what Dr. Mark Olfson of Columbia University Medical Center asks/suggests.
Whatever the reason for this increase in psychoactive medication – financial incentives or the impatience of our society or both – just be aware of the changes in how psychiatrists do business.
Medication Increasingly Replaces Psychotherapy, Study Finds
http://lawprofessors.typepad.com/healthlawprof_blog/2008/08/medication-incr.html
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Who’s the happiest – men or women?
Although I haven’t delved into this area in my work, ABC News reported the results of a research study and got me thinking about it. Many of my clients have battled many different negative issues in their lives – in other words these clients were unhappy – and they are both men and women.
I cannot say one way or the other which gender is happier. But what I can say is that since 2000, I have had more female clients who called me for hypnosis sessions because they suffered depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts and relationship issues than men. These women were composed of students, corporate types and housewives.
The majority of the male clients that contacted me wanted to deal mostly with enhancing their confidence in their professional life, goal setting, and jumpstarting the motivation to start or grow their own business. Only a handful of men who called me battled depression, anxiety or had relationship issues – and those were usually the artistic, emotional and/or right brain types.
Generally speaking, I have found that men focus more on external factors (career oriented, learning something new and gaining material things) and women are focused more internally (feelings, relationships, health, concerned about their looks and/or aging).
From my experience, unwillingness to change, not accepting life, having difficulties in snapping back from adversity, strong sensitivity and negative emotions are some causes for unhappiness.
An article on the New York Times discusses different studies that were made precisely on this topic. One point I found of interest is that in the 1970s women “reported being slightly happier than men. Today, the two have switched places.” Perhaps the answer is here:
“Since the 1960s, men have gradually cut back on activities they find unpleasant. They now work less and relax more. Over the same span, women have replaced housework with paid work — and, as a result, are spending almost as much time doing things they don’t enjoy as in the past. Forty years ago, a typical woman spent about 23 hours a week in an activity considered unpleasant, or 40 more minutes than a typical man. Today, with men working less, the gap is 90 minutes.”
However, some researchers who have studied the use of time contend that:
“Women are not actually working more than they were 30 or 40 years ago. They are instead doing different kinds of work. They’re spending more time on paid work and less on cleaning and cooking.
What has changed — and what seems to be the most likely explanation for the happiness trends — is that women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did (including helping their aging parents). They can’t possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they are somehow falling short.”
This trend is even visible among high school kids. Apparently 25% of males vs. 22 percent of women report being happy. More males are becoming happier while the percentage of “happy” females remained the same since the 1960s.
One researcher mentions that perhaps women were happier before because they did not have as many ambitions as they do today. Some people, the research says, have not caught up with the “gender revolution.”
Nonetheless, I have women come to me who work and those who do not work and are supported by their significant other. Some that do not work cannot accept the dependency while others take it for granted. I see a huge problem with self-esteem issues, which is a topic that is not mentioned in the NYT article nor the ABC News report.
Living only inside of one's own world without accepting life around him or her is what I have seen to cause unhappiness in many. Locking into an idea and not ‘letting go’, living in the past, battling anger issues, or being argumentative will also cause unhappiness in either gender.
Below is the clip from the ABC network mentioning which gender is happier.
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=9075328
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
I cannot say one way or the other which gender is happier. But what I can say is that since 2000, I have had more female clients who called me for hypnosis sessions because they suffered depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts and relationship issues than men. These women were composed of students, corporate types and housewives.
The majority of the male clients that contacted me wanted to deal mostly with enhancing their confidence in their professional life, goal setting, and jumpstarting the motivation to start or grow their own business. Only a handful of men who called me battled depression, anxiety or had relationship issues – and those were usually the artistic, emotional and/or right brain types.
Generally speaking, I have found that men focus more on external factors (career oriented, learning something new and gaining material things) and women are focused more internally (feelings, relationships, health, concerned about their looks and/or aging).
From my experience, unwillingness to change, not accepting life, having difficulties in snapping back from adversity, strong sensitivity and negative emotions are some causes for unhappiness.
An article on the New York Times discusses different studies that were made precisely on this topic. One point I found of interest is that in the 1970s women “reported being slightly happier than men. Today, the two have switched places.” Perhaps the answer is here:
“Since the 1960s, men have gradually cut back on activities they find unpleasant. They now work less and relax more. Over the same span, women have replaced housework with paid work — and, as a result, are spending almost as much time doing things they don’t enjoy as in the past. Forty years ago, a typical woman spent about 23 hours a week in an activity considered unpleasant, or 40 more minutes than a typical man. Today, with men working less, the gap is 90 minutes.”
However, some researchers who have studied the use of time contend that:
“Women are not actually working more than they were 30 or 40 years ago. They are instead doing different kinds of work. They’re spending more time on paid work and less on cleaning and cooking.
What has changed — and what seems to be the most likely explanation for the happiness trends — is that women now have a much longer to-do list than they once did (including helping their aging parents). They can’t possibly get it all done, and many end up feeling as if they are somehow falling short.”
This trend is even visible among high school kids. Apparently 25% of males vs. 22 percent of women report being happy. More males are becoming happier while the percentage of “happy” females remained the same since the 1960s.
One researcher mentions that perhaps women were happier before because they did not have as many ambitions as they do today. Some people, the research says, have not caught up with the “gender revolution.”
Nonetheless, I have women come to me who work and those who do not work and are supported by their significant other. Some that do not work cannot accept the dependency while others take it for granted. I see a huge problem with self-esteem issues, which is a topic that is not mentioned in the NYT article nor the ABC News report.
Living only inside of one's own world without accepting life around him or her is what I have seen to cause unhappiness in many. Locking into an idea and not ‘letting go’, living in the past, battling anger issues, or being argumentative will also cause unhappiness in either gender.
Below is the clip from the ABC network mentioning which gender is happier.
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?cl=9075328
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
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