In JOImethod: A Healer?s Way, you will experience my transition from being strictly a hypnotist to using hypnotherapy and other tools to heal my clients and help them achieve ultimate well-being on a mental, emotional and physical level.
My method and focus have resulted in my gaining entrance as a consultant with The St. James Hospital Group in Malta (a company which owns one of the major private hospitals on the island, as well as cosmetic and oncology clinics); getting referrals from three pharmacies; and providing my services in the wellness center of a 5 star hotel frequented by international celebrities!
Throughout this book, I walk you through the new JOImethod ? sharing important new things I learned in order to effectively work with all the people who walk through my door. This new sleeping hypnosis technique is biologically designed to take any person to coma or hypno-sleep in less than five minutes!
You will see how I use the Triune Brain Model with my clients, oftentimes utilizing it to place them into a waking trance. This model allows me to explain how therapy works ? especially to those adult clients suffering from the debilitating experiences of child abuse and to athletes who desire more productivity from their bodies.
In this book, I explain core nature, that is, the importance of understanding the psychology of people. I use this information to help me group clients after identifying their strengths and weaknesses. It is their weaknesses that drive them to seek therapy in the first place! The weaknesses of people manifest themselves in emotional issues ? anger, anxiety, depression, fears, obsessive thoughts, phobias and relationship problems.
I also explain the nature of various emotional problems and explain how negative emotions can directly cause physical pain. I will discuss the psychology of smokers and those who seek to lose weight. In addition, I will provide practical insight into the tools needed to provide effective coaching for couples. Understanding the psychology of people in addition to being aware of the impact and functioning of emotions equals the ability to heal!
Last but certainly not least, I will talk about waking and covert hypnosis. I will provide detailed steps about how to effectively use this art. Furthermore, I will share real cases?some of the most challenging ones I encountered?in which I used waking/covert hypnosis with my clients. These include working successfully with a seven year old autistic child; an incarcerated man sitting in a holding prison cell; and an agoraphobia client who had not left his house in the daytime in 3 years. I will also describe how I used covert hypnosis while pretending to be an ?interior decorator? to help an octogenarian who suffered from fear and insomnia.
One of the practical results of my work with these people is that it will answer in absolute terms the below questions, which professional hypnotists and hypnotherapists have been weighing and discussing for centuries:
1. Can a person be hypnotized without his or her consent? Yes
2. Can a person be hypnotized without his or her knowledge? Yes
3. Does rapport need to be established for hypnosis to work? No
4. Does a person need to be motivated for hypnosis to work ? No
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Benefits of Hypnotherapy
The demands of the modern world—juggling career, marriage, children, family, health, and financial woes—are more than sufficient to overwhelm our senses, creating a host of emotional tests on our well-being. In our society, we have been groomed to drive ourselves to work hard and study hard without being given an understanding of how to relax and take off the stress on the road towards success. For this reason, many experience the problems which come from an overloaded brain and a too harsh, oftentimes rigid and clinical, lifestyle.
Within this demanding system that focuses on outer achievement, we are rarely taught how to react when adversity strikes. As we face the many twists and turns of life, our emotions become a burden. Left unchecked, they may spin out of control and lead to such problems as anger, anxiety, depression, fear, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts, phobias, stress and ailing relationships. Here is a troubling fact: According to Oxford University scientists, due to their stressful lives, 12% of women are less likely to become pregnant. Another stunning statistic relates to how stress and feelings such as tension, anxiety, fear, health issues, insomnia and nervousness, can cause 65% more likelihood of dementia in women. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Stress is a big challenge that impacts our lives and decisions.
Why should one use hypnotherapy? Eliminating stress is the solution. The mind must be retrained to think differently, more positively. Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool designed to provide us this essential relief and to target the emotional turmoil within us. According to research by Dr. Alfred A. Barrios PhD, a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapy is 93% successful within at least six sessions for depression – the heaviest of all emotional issues. Dr. Tracie O’Keefe, a Sydney based therapist and counselor said that hypnotherapy is the quickest therapy for curing phobias in a society that loves a quick-fix. Also, hypnotherapy has proven successful with methadone and other drug addictions, as well as reducing stress and trauma in children prior to an invasive medical procedure. These are only a few examples to show that hypnotherapy can be effective not only with gaining emotional healing and goal fulfillment, but is also used in the medical field to assist with many types of treatments and conditions – such as easing/managing physical symptoms and post-op recovery.
http://www.timesofmalta.com/life/view/20100812/medical-updates/calm-women-more-likely-to-fall-pregnant
http://www.physorg.com/news201172415.html
Barrios, A. A. (1970). Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice, Spring issue.
http://www.amazingdom.com/advice_links/Cure%20that%20phobia.pdf?articleID=0008D31F-BD5B-1C6F-84A9809EC588EF21&pageNumber=4&catID=2
Mangianello, A.J. (1984). A comparative study of hypnotherapy and psychotherapy in the treatment of methadone addicts. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 26(4): 273-9.
Potter, G. (2004). Intensive Therapy: Utilizing Hypnosis in the Treatment of Substance Abuse Disorders. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis; Page, R. A. & Handley, G. W. (1993). The use of hypnosis in cocaine addiction. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 36(2):120-3.
http://stresshealthcenter.stanford.edu/publications/pub_hypnosis_stress.html
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Within this demanding system that focuses on outer achievement, we are rarely taught how to react when adversity strikes. As we face the many twists and turns of life, our emotions become a burden. Left unchecked, they may spin out of control and lead to such problems as anger, anxiety, depression, fear, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts, phobias, stress and ailing relationships. Here is a troubling fact: According to Oxford University scientists, due to their stressful lives, 12% of women are less likely to become pregnant. Another stunning statistic relates to how stress and feelings such as tension, anxiety, fear, health issues, insomnia and nervousness, can cause 65% more likelihood of dementia in women. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Stress is a big challenge that impacts our lives and decisions.
Why should one use hypnotherapy? Eliminating stress is the solution. The mind must be retrained to think differently, more positively. Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool designed to provide us this essential relief and to target the emotional turmoil within us. According to research by Dr. Alfred A. Barrios PhD, a clinical psychologist, hypnotherapy is 93% successful within at least six sessions for depression – the heaviest of all emotional issues. Dr. Tracie O’Keefe, a Sydney based therapist and counselor said that hypnotherapy is the quickest therapy for curing phobias in a society that loves a quick-fix. Also, hypnotherapy has proven successful with methadone and other drug addictions, as well as reducing stress and trauma in children prior to an invasive medical procedure. These are only a few examples to show that hypnotherapy can be effective not only with gaining emotional healing and goal fulfillment, but is also used in the medical field to assist with many types of treatments and conditions – such as easing/managing physical symptoms and post-op recovery.
http://www.timesofmalta.com/life/view/20100812/medical-updates/calm-women-more-likely-to-fall-pregnant
http://www.physorg.com/news201172415.html
Barrios, A. A. (1970). Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice, Spring issue.
http://www.amazingdom.com/advice_links/Cure%20that%20phobia.pdf?articleID=0008D31F-BD5B-1C6F-84A9809EC588EF21&pageNumber=4&catID=2
Mangianello, A.J. (1984). A comparative study of hypnotherapy and psychotherapy in the treatment of methadone addicts. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 26(4): 273-9.
Potter, G. (2004). Intensive Therapy: Utilizing Hypnosis in the Treatment of Substance Abuse Disorders. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis; Page, R. A. & Handley, G. W. (1993). The use of hypnosis in cocaine addiction. American Journal of Clinical Hypnosis, 36(2):120-3.
http://stresshealthcenter.stanford.edu/publications/pub_hypnosis_stress.html
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Sunday, January 3, 2010
The Highly Sensitive Type
Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Fear, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and phobias among others are emotional challenges that many people face. These issues have the potential of disrupting a person's life time and time again.
Anyone could be vulnerable to these devastating ills: a CEO of a major company, a physics professor, a professional athlete or an Academy Award winner... depending on the twists and turns of life: break up in a relationship, loss of a job, the growing pains of a teenage son or daughter, or just the normal everyday adversities of life.
Nowhere are these emotional issues felt more and for longer periods of time than with people who I consider are the Highly Sensitive Types. People in this category have very complex thinking and may be moved by little things that other people aren't affected by.
If you feel you may be a Highly Sensitive Type but are not for sure, take a free self test at:
http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com/hstype.asp
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Anyone could be vulnerable to these devastating ills: a CEO of a major company, a physics professor, a professional athlete or an Academy Award winner... depending on the twists and turns of life: break up in a relationship, loss of a job, the growing pains of a teenage son or daughter, or just the normal everyday adversities of life.
Nowhere are these emotional issues felt more and for longer periods of time than with people who I consider are the Highly Sensitive Types. People in this category have very complex thinking and may be moved by little things that other people aren't affected by.
If you feel you may be a Highly Sensitive Type but are not for sure, take a free self test at:
http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com/hstype.asp
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Saturday, March 7, 2009
HYPNOTIC SUGGESTIONS
In my last blog, I spoke about the first part of hypnosis – the hypnotic induction. Now, in this blog I want to talk about the second most important part of hypnosis – the suggestions. Most new and some experienced hypnotherapists spend an extraordinary amount of time focused on perfecting an induction… which is understandable considering that this is the way to help their client down the road to a hypnotic trance. However, without the proper amount of suggestions, an induction alone would be like the body of a car without its motor. This creative part of hypnosis is made up of words, metaphors, paraphrases, old folk’s tales, parallelisms or anything the hypnotist could think of to deliver a strong life-altering message to his or her client.
As a hypnotherapist, I never really know what words or set of words will be ‘magic’ for each client until I speak with him or her. Yes, I know what may have worked for others with similar issues but every person is different – they have various experiences, wants, needs and personalities. This is why hypnotic suggestions are the creative part of hypnosis and why all hypnotherapists should spend just as much time on these as on the induction.
Suggestions are so powerful that they can make the difference between just another hypnotherapist and a true healer!
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
As a hypnotherapist, I never really know what words or set of words will be ‘magic’ for each client until I speak with him or her. Yes, I know what may have worked for others with similar issues but every person is different – they have various experiences, wants, needs and personalities. This is why hypnotic suggestions are the creative part of hypnosis and why all hypnotherapists should spend just as much time on these as on the induction.
Suggestions are so powerful that they can make the difference between just another hypnotherapist and a true healer!
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Sunday, February 15, 2009
THE HYPNOTIC INDUCTION
I receive many queries from both new and experienced hypnotherapists who ask my opinion about the best induction to use (or the easiest way to put a person into trance). They are concerned about which induction is more effective for their clients.
I discuss with them how the hypnotic induction is the single most important factor in hypnosis and if it is done right, the client will leave with a good perception of hypnosis— in addition to a positive feeling that he or she will achieve his or her goals.
Many inductions have been developed over decades. Some examples: the Dave Elman method, Erickson’s conversational method, the arm levitation, the pendulum swing/eye fixation, and the handshake method. The Instantaneous, Rapid or Shock inductions are some of the quicker inductions that many hypnotists may employ.
Since hypnosis is both science and art, every hypnotist has a different style – some want to go for the faster inductions, some like a conversational one and yet others feel the need to test the induction (or the level of trance) on the client such as in the case of the Elman method. Many hypnotherapists think that a light stage of trance as in the pendulum swing/eye fixation is good enough in most cases, and some would rather maintain a medium or deep trance.
In my opinion, many of the inductions out today are more hypnotherapist-driven instead of client-driven.
My theory on the induction is to keep the client in mind when selecting the appropriate induction. Think about it: if you were to go into the office of a hypnotherapist for a one-on-one session – not knowing anything about hypnosis or the hypnotist, would you want this stranger shocking you (rapid or shock induction), snatching on your arm (arm bar/levitation) or boring you into trance with some long, convoluted dissertation? Would you be comfortable enough to let someone shake your hand (handshake method) and shortly after immediately hear the word, sleep, screamed into your ear?! Do you feel you would go to sleep in this manner? Do you feel you would relax enough to be at ease or even speak positively to your friends about your hypnotic experience?
Because many inductions have little consideration for the client in a clinical setting, it is the reason I developed my own induction method – The JOImethod. The goal of this induction is to get the client to a state of somnambulism or deeper (around five minutes is a good speed for the client) in the most relaxed way (so he or she can enjoy the experience) and then install his or her goals while they are at this deep level.
The idea of a great induction is to place the client in a highly suggestible state (my theory is to do it in a comfortable way for the client) so that his or her mind could receive the goals (suggestions) that he or she came in for and leave with a positive perception of hypnosis.
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
I discuss with them how the hypnotic induction is the single most important factor in hypnosis and if it is done right, the client will leave with a good perception of hypnosis— in addition to a positive feeling that he or she will achieve his or her goals.
Many inductions have been developed over decades. Some examples: the Dave Elman method, Erickson’s conversational method, the arm levitation, the pendulum swing/eye fixation, and the handshake method. The Instantaneous, Rapid or Shock inductions are some of the quicker inductions that many hypnotists may employ.
Since hypnosis is both science and art, every hypnotist has a different style – some want to go for the faster inductions, some like a conversational one and yet others feel the need to test the induction (or the level of trance) on the client such as in the case of the Elman method. Many hypnotherapists think that a light stage of trance as in the pendulum swing/eye fixation is good enough in most cases, and some would rather maintain a medium or deep trance.
In my opinion, many of the inductions out today are more hypnotherapist-driven instead of client-driven.
My theory on the induction is to keep the client in mind when selecting the appropriate induction. Think about it: if you were to go into the office of a hypnotherapist for a one-on-one session – not knowing anything about hypnosis or the hypnotist, would you want this stranger shocking you (rapid or shock induction), snatching on your arm (arm bar/levitation) or boring you into trance with some long, convoluted dissertation? Would you be comfortable enough to let someone shake your hand (handshake method) and shortly after immediately hear the word, sleep, screamed into your ear?! Do you feel you would go to sleep in this manner? Do you feel you would relax enough to be at ease or even speak positively to your friends about your hypnotic experience?
Because many inductions have little consideration for the client in a clinical setting, it is the reason I developed my own induction method – The JOImethod. The goal of this induction is to get the client to a state of somnambulism or deeper (around five minutes is a good speed for the client) in the most relaxed way (so he or she can enjoy the experience) and then install his or her goals while they are at this deep level.
The idea of a great induction is to place the client in a highly suggestible state (my theory is to do it in a comfortable way for the client) so that his or her mind could receive the goals (suggestions) that he or she came in for and leave with a positive perception of hypnosis.
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Sunday, February 8, 2009
School Board Nixes Hypnosis for Basketball Team
Even though hypnosis enhances an athlete’s performance on the court/gridiron, a school board in St. John, Kansas decided against the practice for its varsity basketball team http://www.kwch.com/Global/story.asp?S=9791463
Hypnosis is still seen by many as magic or stage antics grounded in mysticism. Think about it: if your only concept of hypnosis is seeing an old man with a pocket watch walking across a stage seemingly controlling the minds of his volunteers (getting them to act a fool uncontrollably), you certainly wouldn’t want your son or daughter to participate in a school’s program even though the hypnotist may have given a glaring description of how hypnosis works.
What many parents don’t realize is that hypnosis is both science and art. It is so versatile, it is probably one of the only techniques that can be used by various professionals – athletes, dentists, general doctors, anesthesiologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, hypnotherapists, counselors, social workers, ministers, teachers, coaches, motivational speakers, magicians and stage hypnotists or anyone dealing with the mind. Its uses are many – as in healing mental and emotional issues, acquiring motivation to achieve goals, as an anesthetic/ to control pain, boost confidence/esteem, stop smoking, lose weight, or enhance one’s performance/talent…just to mention a few arenas of application.
Unfortunately it is the magician or the stage hypnotist – with a larger than life personality – who appears to use hypnosis in a ‘mind control’ type of way for jokes and laughter. Of course, he will receive many oohs and ahs from his audience but the damage in seeing a professional man walking around like a ballerina or a professional woman walking around like a sex crazed maniac is indelible to the minds of many.
In the criminal field, police would say that their job is to protect 99% of the population from the 1% of the criminals. The same can go for many professionals who use hypnosis to enhance their patients’/clients’ lives versus that 1% who uses it for shock value, fun and games.
Because of that 1% of showmanship, perhaps no other therapeutic technique has to defend itself as much as hypnosis has to.
But as the father of one of the St. John’s varsity team players said, “I don’t know how it works, but Jordan says he can feel a difference. He says he loves it.” Shouldn’t that matter most!
Maybe if the parents and the school board of the St. John’s basketball team were told that hypnosis would not only help their sons play better basketball, but it would also enhance their grades, build their confidence and esteem and help them prepare for their future… maybe the school board would have defended hypnosis instead of being against it.
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Hypnosis is still seen by many as magic or stage antics grounded in mysticism. Think about it: if your only concept of hypnosis is seeing an old man with a pocket watch walking across a stage seemingly controlling the minds of his volunteers (getting them to act a fool uncontrollably), you certainly wouldn’t want your son or daughter to participate in a school’s program even though the hypnotist may have given a glaring description of how hypnosis works.
What many parents don’t realize is that hypnosis is both science and art. It is so versatile, it is probably one of the only techniques that can be used by various professionals – athletes, dentists, general doctors, anesthesiologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, hypnotherapists, counselors, social workers, ministers, teachers, coaches, motivational speakers, magicians and stage hypnotists or anyone dealing with the mind. Its uses are many – as in healing mental and emotional issues, acquiring motivation to achieve goals, as an anesthetic/ to control pain, boost confidence/esteem, stop smoking, lose weight, or enhance one’s performance/talent…just to mention a few arenas of application.
Unfortunately it is the magician or the stage hypnotist – with a larger than life personality – who appears to use hypnosis in a ‘mind control’ type of way for jokes and laughter. Of course, he will receive many oohs and ahs from his audience but the damage in seeing a professional man walking around like a ballerina or a professional woman walking around like a sex crazed maniac is indelible to the minds of many.
In the criminal field, police would say that their job is to protect 99% of the population from the 1% of the criminals. The same can go for many professionals who use hypnosis to enhance their patients’/clients’ lives versus that 1% who uses it for shock value, fun and games.
Because of that 1% of showmanship, perhaps no other therapeutic technique has to defend itself as much as hypnosis has to.
But as the father of one of the St. John’s varsity team players said, “I don’t know how it works, but Jordan says he can feel a difference. He says he loves it.” Shouldn’t that matter most!
Maybe if the parents and the school board of the St. John’s basketball team were told that hypnosis would not only help their sons play better basketball, but it would also enhance their grades, build their confidence and esteem and help them prepare for their future… maybe the school board would have defended hypnosis instead of being against it.
John
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
Monday, February 2, 2009
THE GREAT DIVIDE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN: HOW TO FIX IT AND BUILD SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
PART 2
In my last blog I discussed why relationships between men and women are so rocky in today’s world. Today, as promised, I will write about what makes men and women so different from each other and more importantly, how relationships can be successful despite these differences.
NOTE: Keep in mind that I am generalizing from my experience from studying both men and women individually and working with couples. You and your mate may have specific differences that I do not mention here.
MEN:
A man defines himself by what he does for a living or his career. And he is very simple in comparison to women. You can figure him out easily if you study his behavior - he goes to work, puts in his required hours, comes home, eats and does whatever he enjoys - watching television, playing video games, having a beer with the guys, playing with his toys (electronic gadgets, tools for his car or computer), repairing something around the house, talking to his wife (in certain situations this activity may be very limited for various reasons – see top ten reasons for divorce in Part 1)… and at the end of the day, he wants to be sexually intimate with his woman – of course, if there isn’t any arguing, fussing or fighting going on. Everything he does is simple and logical and this is where he puts his meaning and value.
He can do this year-in and year-out without change? Women may look at this as being boring – and it probably is after a while – but this is the way men are genetically wired and environmentally groomed.
Since guys are very logical, they like for things to go according to a logical plan.
Being the left brain types, guys generally cannot handle intense emotions – such as crying or being upset over small things or about what someone said to them or about them negatively - at least not for long. But because of his drive to have sex (a man is biologically designed to procreate), he will tolerate his mate’s emotions more than normal.
On Relationships:
Bonding: The more sex he has with his woman, the closer he feels to her. The less sex he has with her (because of arguments, fights, and emotional battles), the more his mind will wander – which ultimately draws him apart from her. Without the intimacy with his woman, his nature will build up - he can actually feel it in his nether regions - physically - and his thoughts may become stronger (daydreaming about sex, etc.). Thus, one of the top reasons for divorce may rear its ugly head: infidelity (number 1 on the Top Ten list of reasons for divorce).
Weaknesses: Because of his logic (doing the same things year after year), he is very limited in his tastes for clothes, food, conversation and culture. His idea of a night out on the town may be going to the local buffet for the all-you-can-eat menu –he loves to save money! After all, saving pennies is the logical thing to do, right? And he oftentimes may miss the subtle messages that his woman may be sending out about how she feels, which can be a cause for an argument.
Strengths: Being the logical type, he knows how to get things done. This helps his relationship in terms of paying bills, building the bank account, having the car repaired, fixing things around the house, and being good with time management. Since he isn’t fancy, he can stay with the same woman forever as long as she treats him right – which equates to less emotions/arguments and more physical intimacy. While he isn’t emotional, he has learned over the years how to cope with emotions when it comes to his woman.
WOMEN:
A woman defines herself by her relationship or her family. Because of her emotions and intuition, she is genetically wired and environmentally groomed to be in touch with her feelings and has a desire to be different. According to statistics, she speaks 20,000 words per day compared to man’s 7,000 words per day; because of these factors, this makes her the most complex species on earth!
Being the right brain type, she loves beauty, making herself pretty, and has a penchant for shopping. Women generally dislike boredom or doing the same things over and over again like men do.
On Relationships:
Bonding: The more she is moved – i.e., stimulated mentally and emotionally – by her man, the closer she feels to him. Without being shown attention and affection in her relationship, her nature will build up and her thoughts will begin to wander. She will daydream about romance, the need to hear how beautiful she is or how much she is wanted and loved. Because of her dislike for the mundane, she may easily think the 'grass is greener in other pastures' – and this sometimes may lead to infidelity (number 1 on the Top Ten list of reasons for divorce).
Weaknesses: Time management – since she is the right brain type, she is moved by how she feels/her own time and not by man’s clock. Because her emotions make her complex (and her complexity makes her feel unique about herself), she may cause drama in the relationship and hold on to an argument longer than her mate which ultimately causes her relationship more issues. She may use her emotions – intentionally or unintentionally – to control the relationship.
Strengths: She is a nurturing being. Without her love for beauty, culture, fashion, the need to keep up with current events and her penchant to talk, the relationship will become boring. She helps her man when it comes to selecting his clothes and helping him to become more cultured. Her decorations make the house more of a home. With her need to be sociable, she helps him come out of his shell when it comes to having fun. She is good with organizing events, trips and outings for the family.
So now it’s back to the original question: How can a relationship become better or more successful?
Women’s complexity and man’s simplicity may certainly present major issues in relationships. If neither are consciously aware and appreciative of each other’s differences, the relationship would inevitably suffer.
Yet, here’s the clincher: Instead of using your differences as a tool to compete and fight, you can use them as if you are both partners in a card game for high stakes competing against two other partners for the win.
We first have to stop seeing ourselves as separate from each other and embrace the other’s strengths and weaknesses. Because my partner is different than I am doesn’t mean that we aren’t meant to be soul-mates. She has abilities, skills and ideals that she brings to the table and so does he.
This, however, requires growing up and becoming mature! And it also requires… COMMITMENT!
Once we understand and appreciate the differences and ‘let go’ of our ego (it certainly gets in the way in a relationship), only then can we compromise with our wants and needs in relation to our mate’s wants and needs.
We all know we have our own issues and problems (drama, being overly emotional or too analytical, being negative, angry, hostile, competitive, having a need for control, or just natural differences between men and women) and it is these issues that cause our relationship problems. Since we know this, why do we hold on to them? If we have no intentions of letting go of our own issues (or at least move them out of the relationship’s way), why be in a relationship and make ourselves sick, our mate miserable and eventually, contribute to the divorce rate statistics?
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
In my last blog I discussed why relationships between men and women are so rocky in today’s world. Today, as promised, I will write about what makes men and women so different from each other and more importantly, how relationships can be successful despite these differences.
NOTE: Keep in mind that I am generalizing from my experience from studying both men and women individually and working with couples. You and your mate may have specific differences that I do not mention here.
MEN:
A man defines himself by what he does for a living or his career. And he is very simple in comparison to women. You can figure him out easily if you study his behavior - he goes to work, puts in his required hours, comes home, eats and does whatever he enjoys - watching television, playing video games, having a beer with the guys, playing with his toys (electronic gadgets, tools for his car or computer), repairing something around the house, talking to his wife (in certain situations this activity may be very limited for various reasons – see top ten reasons for divorce in Part 1)… and at the end of the day, he wants to be sexually intimate with his woman – of course, if there isn’t any arguing, fussing or fighting going on. Everything he does is simple and logical and this is where he puts his meaning and value.
He can do this year-in and year-out without change? Women may look at this as being boring – and it probably is after a while – but this is the way men are genetically wired and environmentally groomed.
Since guys are very logical, they like for things to go according to a logical plan.
Being the left brain types, guys generally cannot handle intense emotions – such as crying or being upset over small things or about what someone said to them or about them negatively - at least not for long. But because of his drive to have sex (a man is biologically designed to procreate), he will tolerate his mate’s emotions more than normal.
On Relationships:
Bonding: The more sex he has with his woman, the closer he feels to her. The less sex he has with her (because of arguments, fights, and emotional battles), the more his mind will wander – which ultimately draws him apart from her. Without the intimacy with his woman, his nature will build up - he can actually feel it in his nether regions - physically - and his thoughts may become stronger (daydreaming about sex, etc.). Thus, one of the top reasons for divorce may rear its ugly head: infidelity (number 1 on the Top Ten list of reasons for divorce).
Weaknesses: Because of his logic (doing the same things year after year), he is very limited in his tastes for clothes, food, conversation and culture. His idea of a night out on the town may be going to the local buffet for the all-you-can-eat menu –he loves to save money! After all, saving pennies is the logical thing to do, right? And he oftentimes may miss the subtle messages that his woman may be sending out about how she feels, which can be a cause for an argument.
Strengths: Being the logical type, he knows how to get things done. This helps his relationship in terms of paying bills, building the bank account, having the car repaired, fixing things around the house, and being good with time management. Since he isn’t fancy, he can stay with the same woman forever as long as she treats him right – which equates to less emotions/arguments and more physical intimacy. While he isn’t emotional, he has learned over the years how to cope with emotions when it comes to his woman.
WOMEN:
A woman defines herself by her relationship or her family. Because of her emotions and intuition, she is genetically wired and environmentally groomed to be in touch with her feelings and has a desire to be different. According to statistics, she speaks 20,000 words per day compared to man’s 7,000 words per day; because of these factors, this makes her the most complex species on earth!
Being the right brain type, she loves beauty, making herself pretty, and has a penchant for shopping. Women generally dislike boredom or doing the same things over and over again like men do.
On Relationships:
Bonding: The more she is moved – i.e., stimulated mentally and emotionally – by her man, the closer she feels to him. Without being shown attention and affection in her relationship, her nature will build up and her thoughts will begin to wander. She will daydream about romance, the need to hear how beautiful she is or how much she is wanted and loved. Because of her dislike for the mundane, she may easily think the 'grass is greener in other pastures' – and this sometimes may lead to infidelity (number 1 on the Top Ten list of reasons for divorce).
Weaknesses: Time management – since she is the right brain type, she is moved by how she feels/her own time and not by man’s clock. Because her emotions make her complex (and her complexity makes her feel unique about herself), she may cause drama in the relationship and hold on to an argument longer than her mate which ultimately causes her relationship more issues. She may use her emotions – intentionally or unintentionally – to control the relationship.
Strengths: She is a nurturing being. Without her love for beauty, culture, fashion, the need to keep up with current events and her penchant to talk, the relationship will become boring. She helps her man when it comes to selecting his clothes and helping him to become more cultured. Her decorations make the house more of a home. With her need to be sociable, she helps him come out of his shell when it comes to having fun. She is good with organizing events, trips and outings for the family.
So now it’s back to the original question: How can a relationship become better or more successful?
Women’s complexity and man’s simplicity may certainly present major issues in relationships. If neither are consciously aware and appreciative of each other’s differences, the relationship would inevitably suffer.
Yet, here’s the clincher: Instead of using your differences as a tool to compete and fight, you can use them as if you are both partners in a card game for high stakes competing against two other partners for the win.
We first have to stop seeing ourselves as separate from each other and embrace the other’s strengths and weaknesses. Because my partner is different than I am doesn’t mean that we aren’t meant to be soul-mates. She has abilities, skills and ideals that she brings to the table and so does he.
This, however, requires growing up and becoming mature! And it also requires… COMMITMENT!
Once we understand and appreciate the differences and ‘let go’ of our ego (it certainly gets in the way in a relationship), only then can we compromise with our wants and needs in relation to our mate’s wants and needs.
We all know we have our own issues and problems (drama, being overly emotional or too analytical, being negative, angry, hostile, competitive, having a need for control, or just natural differences between men and women) and it is these issues that cause our relationship problems. Since we know this, why do we hold on to them? If we have no intentions of letting go of our own issues (or at least move them out of the relationship’s way), why be in a relationship and make ourselves sick, our mate miserable and eventually, contribute to the divorce rate statistics?
John Owens
Clinical Hypnotherapist & Life Coach
Hypnosis & Self-Enhancement Books & CDs: http://www.hypnotizeanybody.com
Hypnotherapy Services: http://www.hypnotherapy4health.com
Joimethod: http://www.joimethod.com
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